Relationships aren’t all just rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes, they do stress you out, and one of the most common worries in relationships is suspecting a partner of cheating on you. But often, people who worry that a partner may not be completely faithful are quickly labeled as paranoid, clingy or jealous, and told that it is just their paranoia that is affecting the relationship.
While this may be the actual case in some relationships, the sad truth is that sometimes, people do cheat on their partners, and they try extremely hard to hide it. In fact, 22 percent of adults in relationships have cheated on their current partners, according to NBC News. And though the years, research has shown that men tend to cheat more than women. This proves that it is not always paranoia or jealousy that drives people, especially women, to suspect their partners of infidelity. Sometimes, the signs just don’t lie, even though your partner may be lying.
So, ladies, what can you do to find out whether your boyfriend/husband is cheating on you? While it is difficult to come up with a perfect checklist to test your partner’s faithfulness, there a few common signs that have been associated with infidelity through the years, and they are listed below. However, it should be noted that every relationship is unique, and even though your partner checks off everything on the list, it may not mean that he is, in fact, cheating.
So here are the signs to find out if he is cheating on you:
- They spend a lot of time on their phones and are extremely protective of it
Your phone and e-mails are extremely private things, even when you are in a long-term relationship with someone. Just because you are dating someone, it does not give you the right or freedom to check their phones and mails and have access to their passwords.
But most of the time, something is definitely fishy if your partner tries unusually hard to keep his phone or laptop away from you. He may take it with him everywhere he goes, hides his screen from view when you are nearby or freaks out if you do get your hands on them. If your partner exhibits such behavior, it may be time to confront him.
- They spend a lot more time on social media than they usually do
Spending way too much time on social media could also be a sign of infidelity. Especially if your partner suddenly uses social media sites like Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat or Facebook excessively, it could mean that he may be using them to talk to someone else.
In fact, a 2014 study by the University of Missouri-Columbia concluded that an active and regular use of Twitter can lead to frequent conflicts among couples in relationships, which in turn, can result in cheating, breakup or in the case of marriages, even a divorce. It is important to note that this study does not imply that frequent Twitter users are cheating. It simply says that active Twitter use could lead to relationship problems, one of which is infidelity.
- They keep canceling plans with you and go on sudden trips
Another sign that could mean that your partner is unfaithful is if he starts to cancel plans with you frequently, but at the same time, keep going out during weekends or go on unexpected trips. Of course, he could also be simply going out with friends or going on business trips, but if he tends to go on sudden trips or “stays late at work”, it could mean that he is spending those nights or days with someone else. If these occurrences have never happened before and started all of a sudden, then you have every reason to be suspicious.
It could also work in the other direction, where he is suddenly looking forward to you going out at night or going out of town. Relationship expert, Weena Cullins says that if your partner is suddenly permissive or accommodating of you going out more frequently, working late or going on trips without indicating that they will miss you, they may be using your time apart to cheat.
- They accuse you of being unfaithful instead
One habit of cheaters that is extremely common, but one that is often subconscious is projection. It is a psychological process in which humans have a tendency to subconsciously defend themselves and their actions by attributing these very qualities and actions to someone else.
In the case of infidelity, if your partner is cheating on you, he is likely to attempt to turn the tables by accusing you of being unfaithful first. This is a common action seen in such cases, where the unfaithful partner tries to justify his own actions. Author and relationship coach, Jackie Viramontez says that if your partner is cheating, lying or stealing, they are likely to assume that you too are doing the same.
- They are nervous and get easily irritated with you
Only you know how your relationship with your partner is and how they treat you under normal circumstances. So, if there is a sudden change in their behavior and they get nervous, uncomfortable or awkward around you, it may point towards things going on in their lives that you do not know about, like infidelity. But this is a tricky situation because there may be a ton of other things stressing them out, so make sure to talk to them before simply accusing them of cheating.
If you ever find that the connection between the two of you, whether emotionally or sexually, has changed dramatically out of the blue, and your partner keeps searching for reasons to fight, it is time for a serious talk to find out what the problem is.
- They are hardly ever in the mood for sex
If your sex life is lacking or they do not seem to enjoy it anymore even if you do have sex, it could mean that your partner is doing the deed with someone else. Especially if they have always had a healthy sex drive before, but is now hardly ever in the mood for it, you may want to talk to them about it.
However, this could be a sensitive topic for your partner, especially if it turns out he was not cheating after all. There could be other problems like hormonal problems or something that is stressing them out, so remember to make sure that you discuss it in a mature way instead of outrightly accusing them of infidelity.
- They no longer try to see things from your perspective
An important element of any relationship is the ability to compromise and see every situation from your partner’s point of view. So, if you find that your partner is no longer willing to understand things from your perspective when you are arguing or he no longer listens to what you have to say, chances are that he is already slipping away from your relationship, even if he is not cheating.
Every relationship needs some level of compromise and understanding. But if your partner wants everything to be done his way, without taking your thoughts and feelings into consideration, it’s a red flag that he is not satisfied.