Second Chances at Relationships – when is it a Good Idea?
By infohub — Feb 14th, 2018
Breakups can definitely take their tole on our feelings, and make us wonder whether we made the right decision when we decided to call it quits. Sometimes that question gets even harder to answer when our former loves ask us to take them back, or regret they broke up with us if they are the once who initiated the breakup.
The emotional weight of answering the question "Should I get Back with My Ex?" is a pretty big one, and you should not make the decision lightly. If you are thinking about getting back together with the ex, the next few points can help you decide what to do and whether the relationship is worth a second try, or it is meant to end for good.
Why did we break up in the first place?
With all the tears and post break up ice-cream, we start to forget all the small ang big issues we had with the Ex, and start thinking more about the sweet kisses and private jokes we shared with them. This type of reverse idealization of the relationship is natural, but you have to stop these thoughts in their tracks because they are misleading.
Instead of thinking about the good old times you had with your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend, try to remember why you broke up in the first place. Were they selfish? Lazy? Didn't want to look for a job? Once you remember what led to the breakup in the first place you'll be able to think more clearly about the things that bothered you about the other person, and whether you can get past the differences between you or not.
The next step can help you decide whether you should take back your ex, and is the relationship going to be the real deal.
Has anything changed?
The most important question you have to answer when it comes to second chance relationships is whether anything changeD with you or your Ex. If you are considering getting back together with them because you feel lonely although nothing has changed, you're not doing anyone any favors.
Instead of relying purely on emotion, put some thought into the breakup and think if anything has changed. Is the other person calmer? Are they trying to better themselves? Have old patterns been broken? If the answer to these questions is "yes", a second chance can be a great idea. If the answer is "no", then you are probably better off apart, and getting back together will only end up with another heart break.