What is a Love/Hate Relationship?
A love/hate relationship is a relationship between two people that involves alternating emotions of love and hate. A love/hate relationship is especially common when intense emotions are involved.
If you’ve watched the movie The Lord of the Rings, you’ll understand what a love/hate relationship is when you think back to the character Gollum.
For the uninformed, Gollum is a character in the movie who possesses a ring with a will of its own. A wizard describes Gollum’s relationship with the ring by saying that he hates and loves the ring as he hates and loves himself.
To illustrate the above example, the ring was nothing but pain and agony to Gollum, but since he loved it so much, he went through all of that pain and anguish. In contrast to this, there were a lot of times where he hated the ring with all of his heart because of what it had done and what it was doing to him.
A love/hate relationship isn’t limited to two lovers. It can be between a child and a parent, siblings and can even go as far as to be between a human and an object like Gollum and the ring.
Signs of a love/hate relationship
Here are a couple of signs to see if you are in a love/hate relationship
1. Your feelings are constantly fluctuating
One of the symptoms of a love/hate relationship is continuously feeling intense feelings. Regular feelings of intense hate where screaming and cursing at each other is normally followed by feelings of love and passion is a sign that you are in a love/hate relationship.
2. Your relationship isn’t going anywhere
A healthy relationship isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. In a healthy relationship, there are times when you can’t stand to be in the same room as the other person. However, both of you feel like you’re moving forward. A love/hate relationship is like a cycle that never ends. It is easier to visualize it by thinking of a healthy relationship as a line that is going helter-skelter but is continuously moving in one direction. The inverse of this is a love/hate relationship where the line goes helter-skelter too but, in a circle, so you go right back to where you started.
3. You put up with the relationship
One thing to be clear about is that you must never have to put up with a relationship. In spite of knowing this, many people put up with their partner because they feel like everything they’ve already put in will feel like a bad investment. There are also times when people stay together because they are afraid of the social repercussions.
How do you fix a love/hate relationship?
If both parties are willing to make the relationship work, you can both do a couple of things to fix your relationship.
1. Communicate, communicate and communicate some more
Communication is the reason our species is the most successful animal on the planet today. Use that evolution to your advantage by communicating with your partner. It isn’t all black and white though. Every person has shades of grey in their personality, and you can work through all of that by communicating with each other.
2. Accept the past and move on
Being able to move on comes down to both of your abilities to accept the past. The future won’t be a smooth road, but it will be easier if both of you can forgive each other and move on.