Carl Jung once said, "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." In the beginning, the joy and excitement of a fantasized relationship with another person can drive people to intense infatuation. This infatuation will collide with the speed bumps and roadblocks that real relationships present. These road bumps smash the idealizations into dust and leave only reality behind.
In the end, you're left with the real, non-imagined, non-theoretical relationship with another person that leaves behind its share of happy memories and bloody scars.
Many breakups are sweet, many others are brutal. The simple answer to why your cruel ex is being so nasty is simple cognitive dissonance.
If you find yourself wondering, "Why is my ex so mean and rude to me?" this article is about to answer that question in a simple, scientific way to explain the rationale behind the emotions.
My Ex Is Being Mean To Me and I Don't Know Why
Think of the story about sour grapes. When a person can't grab the highest grapes up in a tree, they bitterly label the grapes they can't grab as "sour grapes" and grumpily go on their way. The grapes they could grab were all delicious, the grapes they could not grab were delicious as well. But people can't come to terms with their failure. The unobtainable grapes are deemed sour, and probably not worth grabbing anyway.
The person that declares this is coping with the reality that they cannot grab the grapes and constructs a twisted rationalization about why the grapes were bad instead. This is the sour grapes analogy. This is called cognitive dissonance. Calling the grapes sour is a self-defense mechanism. Much like why your ex is cruel and abusive at the end of a bitter relationship.
What to Do When Your Ex is Cruel
When your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend is coming to terms with the fact the relationship cannot be, they can resort to passive-aggressive behavior to distance themselves from you. By ignoring all the good you have done in the relationship and distorting your image to one of a monster, they are able to dehumanize you and act cruelly towards you. They can create a narrative where they are good, and their ex is evil, justifying their cold, aggressive behavior.
Heartbreak is debilitating, and many people cannot handle loss in a healthy manner. A simple lie is preferable to this incredible pain for many. Other exes are good at creating narratives that favor them no matter the situation, and you might find yourself in a situation where you did nothing wrong but are demonized relentlessly. The best thing to do in this situation is:
• Remove yourself from the toxic situation
Protect yourself and your mental health. Understand that the relationship is over, and that continued interactions on your part will only result in increased fights and anger. Let go for the sake of yourself, your loved ones, and your mental health. If you are experiencing abuse or violence, seek professional help immediately.
• Judo this situation to become stronger
No one is perfect. You are a work in progress. Regardless of who is at fault, forging peace rather than waging war will allow you a chance to spend your remaining years in happiness or atonement.
• Practice self-care
Mental health is incredibly important in this day and age. A cruel ex can take years to recover from, so you should nip the problem in the bud and actively seek out productive coping mechanisms instead.
Just like you would perform regular maintenance on your car or house, so too must you practice regular positive mental health behaviors to stay mentally fit.
It's important to reach a place where you no longer think, "My ex is cruel to me" and escape the shackles of abusive behavior. Be free, and move onwards.
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