What Causes Insecurity?
When do you know that you are suffering from insecurity? When you feel intense self-doubt or lack of confidence in spite of all your achievements, when you feel as if you will be blamed for all that is going wrong around you, despite all your effort, when you feel that all those who love you will abandon you. Insecurity is a common feeling that most of you feel. There can be several reasons for insecurity. Past traumas, disturbed childhood, experiences of failure or rejection, loneliness and social anxiety can all contribute towards insecurity.
People suffering from high levels of insecurity feel apathy to socialize, feel a lack of confidence regarding most aspects of life. It becomes difficult for that person to form long-lasting relationships.
Root causes of insecurity
Failure or rejection: recent events can impact our mood and feelings greatly. In fact, research on happiness suggests that 40% of happiness quotient is dependent on recent life events. One's happiness can be hampered due to several reasons—one major reason being an unhappy relationship or end of a relationship. Even the death of near and dear ones can be a cause of insecurity, especially if that person happens to be very close to you.
Job loss and negative health conditions can lead to insecurity. Since happiness is directly connected to your confidence and self-esteem, any form of failure or rejection can be detrimental to your confidence giving your insecurity levels a boost. Insecurity leads to you seeing yourself and others more negatively.
One of the best ways to deal with this is to give yourself time to heal. Going out and socializing, following your interests and pursuing your hobbies can also be helpful in getting over your insecurity. Reaching out to friends and family can also be of help when dealing with insecurity.
Social anxiety: many of you must have come across people who feel a lack of confidence in social gatherings such as parties, family gatherings, dates, and interviews. The fear of being judged and evaluated by others can lead to anxiety and a feeling of self-consciousness.
As a result, people tend to avoid social gatherings, experience anxiety when they anticipate social events and feel extreme discomfort when they are forced to participate in one. The root cause of such a feeling of insecurity can be some exclusion from a peer group in school or being bullied during childhood. Even being constantly criticized by parents or relatives can lead to being over-sensitized to how others perceive you.
You can deal with this sense of insecurity by preparing yourself from beforehand. Your sense of nervousness decreases if you go prepared. Do not avoid social events like family gatherings and parties as this only makes things worse. Set yourself small realistic goals like talking to new people or initiating conversations and getting to know people better. Focus on others so that you get less time to concentrate on yourself. This will make you less self-conscious.
Perfectionism: Many people have high standards from themselves, and when they don't measure up to the perfect picture in their heads, they feel very insecure. Trying to get the best job, get the highest scores in school, look your best, and do other things on your perfection list are exhausting, and they are often impossible to live up to.
Life constantly throws us curve balls, and it makes sense we don't get a perfect score each and every time. So, while setting goals is important, being a perfectionist can be very damaging to your self-confidence, and it is one of the root causes of insecurity.
To stop being a perfectionist and build your confidence, you need to evaluate yourself not merely on what you achieve, but also on how much effort you put in along the way. Realizing you did your best will help you gain back a sense of control, and it will help you clear your mind from external factors that are clouding your judgment.
It is also important that you work on loving yourself not just when you are at the top of the game; perfectionists often feel confident when they succeed with the goals they set for themselves, and they dislike themselves when they fall short of their goals.
So, you need to stop doing that, and start focusing on liking who you are, and not just what you achieve. Think about your good personality traits, like kindness, sense of humor, good values, and other things that are far more valuable than reaching goals.
These are some of the most common causes of insecurity that you are suffering from. Another common reason that drives insecurity is perfectionism. You may want the best job, the best grades in examinations, the best apartment or car for yourself. Some of these might be out of your control and you tend to blame yourself for it constantly.
This leads to a sense of acute insecurity. The best way to deal with this syndrome is to self-evaluate yourself on how much effort you have put in and how much of the result is within your control. Self-evaluation is one of the best ways to deal with insecurity.
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