Lack of Jealousy in Relationship - What Does Being Jealous Mean?
Jealousy does not have to plague every relationship. In fact, the healthiest relationships do not involve jealousy at all. Some people genuinely do not feel overwhelmed by jealous feelings when thinking of who their partner is spending time with. Now, some partners are understanding about it but others feel uncomfortable with a lack of jealousy and try to understand why that emotion is not present in their relationship.
Is Lack of Jealousy Lack of Caring?
Some people assume that if their partner does not feel jealousy then they surely do not care enough about the relationship. Luckily, this is not always the case. In fact, this can be a very destructive way to approach your relationship. We all know of girls - or boys - who have felt the need to test their relationship by trying to purposefully make their partner jealous, hanging out with or paying exaggerated attention to other members of the opposite sex. It's easy to imagine how badly this can end for everyone involved.
Jealousy and possessiveness should never be a measure of love. People who themselves are possessive and jealous may have a difficult time understanding this concept, but there are other, gentler and kinder ways that we can ascertain and prove our love. The amount of caring, listening, communicating that your partner bestows upon you should be indication enough that they love and respect you.
Why is it good Not to be Jealous?
You have to remember jealousy in itself is a negative emotion. It leads to unnecessary fear, stress, and paranoia. And why would you want any kind of negative energy to enter your relationship? Do not wish for added negativity in your life...
Imagine your partner is actually jealous. Their behavior will change completely, they will want to keep you all to themselves. Typically jealous people are extraordinarily possessive. Imagine you have to answer questions every time you go out with your friends or colleagues. It means there will be mistrust, quarrel, and frustration in your relationship.
When a partner is jealous, it simply means that they do not trust you. They do not have confidence that you can be emotionally or physically faithful or both. Jealous people are paranoid and suspicious. Even if you are having friendly and completely platonic relations with someone, they might still have a problem with that. However, trust is one of the key ingredients for a healthy and nurturing relationship.
Jealousy is also a lack of respect. Everyone should be allowed to have their secret garden. There are things you do not always wish to share with your partner and that does not mean you don't love them.
A jealous person would like to isolate you from all your family and friends until your entire sense of self depends on them and only on them. They want to be the sun in your life, they wish that your life revolves only around them, and to be your primary source of happiness. This is a highly unhealthy, unrealistic and unsustainable habit. One individual alone cannot fill all our needs and we should be able to experience interactions with a variety of people.
Why is your Partner not Jealous?
The people who never feel jealousy at all are rare to find. Have you ever met many guys who do not have any problems with you hanging out with other men? Or have you met many women who do not get bothered when their boyfriends have night outs in a girl’s house? Of course, a little bit of jealousy can be normal, it is excess of it that can be toxic.
Jealousy gets triggered because we feel our relationship might be at risk and society has wired our minds in such a way that we see risks everywhere. Most people will tell you that if a girlfriend lets her boyfriend spend time with other girls, then she must not really love him. That is not true at all. It may be that the girl actually trusts the guy enough to believe that he will never betray her trust. In that case, the absence of jealousy is actually a proof of love.
People who are typically not jealous are open-minded and trusting people. If your partner does not get jealous, it can mean that they respect you and trust you enough to give you your own freedom. In fact, jealousy has never stopped anyone from cheating on their partner. It only adds negativity and mistrust to the relationship, which in turn weakens the bond you share. If you are not always suspicious and jealous but instead make your partner feel that you have full confidence in them, it will endear you to them and make them love you and appreciate you even more. This sounds like a win-win, right?
Tips for Dealing with Jealousy
As we have seen, a lot of jealousy can be distressing and destructive. But here are a few tips that might help you keep it under control:
- Take a step back and pay attention to what you are telling yourself. You might be creating movies in your head, based on absolutely nothing. Look at the situation objectively and see if any of your thoughts might be irrational.
- Ask yourself whether your jealousy is being driven by your own insecurities. Maybe a past trauma, or a bad experience. This may not have anything to do with your current partner.
- Find your own passions. If you are excited about some activities in your life, you might be more inclined to understand when your partner wants to do something on his own.
- If you still feel there is a problem, have a calm conversation. Trust that you can open up to your partner and share any doubts in a loving manner. Communication is always the best tool at our disposal and expressing genuine concerns can turn out to be the most helpful solution to clear the air and understand what your partner is really thinking.