How to Deal with a Jealous Partner
Jealousy often rears its ugly head in romantic relationships. While jealousy is an unattractive trait, sometimes you’re willing to look past it because you love your partner. However, jealousy can and will destroy any relationship if it isn’t properly addressed. Here are a couple of ways you can deal with a jealous partner.
1. Talk to your partner about everything – Don’t do this one over the phone. Find a place where you can speak to each other in private like your home or his/hers and talk to your partner about his/her fears and anxieties. Listen to what they are saying. A little bit of jealousy is your partner’s way of telling you that they love you. Be careful though, there’s a fine line between a little jealousy and ugly, large swaths of controlling jealousy. Don’t belittle, humiliate, threaten or shame your partner’s fears. Recognize that your partner is choosing to confide in you and they are in a state of vulnerability. React by being empathetic and by giving them your undivided attention.
2. Don’t argue – In the heat of the moment, your partner might accuse you of something that is untrue. Don’t fan the flames by getting into an argument. Instead be calm and think about the situation. If you become defensive, your partner might misinterpret your reaction and become even angrier. It is important to remember to talk to your partner calmly and try and solve the problem together. After all, you guys are a team, right?
3. Be more affectionate – After your partner and you have discussed why he/she is being jealous, be more affectionate towards them. Right after both of you have had a healthy discussion is the time to be affectionate as your partner is at his/her most vulnerable state. Try touching your partner by hugging them or just putting your hand around them as this might help him/her heal faster mentally. Your partner might not be acting rational to you, but you must show him/her that you’re going to be as supportive as possible because you care about him/her. If your partner is being extremely abusive, don’t continue to take that abuse from him/her. Just because you care about him/her doesn’t mean you should take abuse from him/her.
4. Establish healthy boundaries – Boundaries aren’t a negative thing. Many healthy and strong relationships set boundaries as a kind of guideline so that they know where each partner’s emotions lie and what is important to each of them. Be clear with what you like and dislike and what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not comfortable with. Try establishing how you’d like to be treated in certain situations. Be clear about what each of your needs is and move forward from there.
5. Respond and be available whenever your partner needs you – Your partner might have issues, but you can help them with those issues by being there and responding whenever he/she needs you to. Remember that you cannot make an insecure person secure overnight and that these things take time. Think about the solution in terms of months or years rather than a couple of weeks. Remind your partner that if they ever need you for anything or even to simply come to hang out at 2 am in the morning that you will be there. Once you demonstrate that you’ll always be there for him/her, your partner will notice, and your relationship will be stronger than ever.
All of these tips apply to a partner that is jealous to a reasonable degree. There are cases of overly controlling and jealous partners. If your partner displays excessive jealousy, look for help. There are plenty of resources to help people stuck in abusive relationships.
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