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Borderline Narcissist Marriage - Can It Be Solved?

Getting married to a narcissist is undoubtedly one of the most trying times in any person’s life. It feels like nothing you can do can ever be good enough, and you will be belittled and put down at every turn. Whether you have a marriage with an actual narcissist or a borderline narcissist marriage, you will always be on tenterhooks, and will always be walking on eggshells for the rest of your married life.

So can a narcissist change after marriage? The answer is a firm maybe. A narcissist, in themselves, does not change. However, they become very good at hiding the facets of their personality that is undesirable to their spouses. A narcissist will never change themselves, because they view themselves to be perfect, sent down to bless the earth through their greatness. It is the rest of us who have to buckle down and earn their approval.

Can a Narcissist Change After Marriage

Narcissistic Marriage Problems

It is natural to have a multitude of problems after getting married to a narcissist. Narcissism is a personality disease. Unfortunately, the people suffering from this disease are either not aware of it, or do not want to change. It is perhaps the only disease in existence where the only sufferers are the ones who are not the victim. Problems that you, the spouse will have after being married to a narcissist include the following:

  • Continuously apologizing to keep the peace, even if you have committed no mistakes.                               
  • Always walking on eggshells around them, as you do not know what will trigger them at any point.            
  • Your role will get reduced to a mere service provider. You merely become a facet of fulfilling all their desires.          
  • Your feelings will never be taken into consideration- if anything, you will be continuously blamed for not adhering to how they feel.                                                                                                                     
  • You forget who you are, in a quest to continuously adhere to their needs and demands; always bending over backward in order to fulfill all their desires.                                                                                     
  • You will be gifted a major share of doing the housework. If you earn enough, expect your spouse to give up work at any moment as well. In addition to this, you will be bombarded with more work, because they will be just too tired to offer you any help.
Narcissist Change After Marriage

How to Make a Narcissist Change

A narcissist cannot simply change if you sit down with them and have an intervention, as compared to a person with some other kind of behavioral issues. A narcissist will have to change on their own, after introspecting and realizing their own shortcomings. These steps include:

  • Understanding that no one else is the source of their negative feelings and emotions, but themselves. The world in general, you in particular, are not as washed up as they think.                                                     
  • They must realize the truth of how they operate in their little bubble and the effects that it has on everyone around them. The truth of their behavior must shock them to such an extent that they feel repulsed by themselves, and thus have an immediate urge to change who they have become.                    
  • They need to know that the behavior they exhibit is a choice that they make- their actions are not due to anyone else, but themselves.                                                                                                                
  • They have to realize if they are going down the same path as before and put a stop to it consciously.

Changing a narcissist is improbable, not impossible. The truth is, narcissists, love who they are so much, they can never understand the fault of their ways. Thus, recover can take years. However, if you are willing to stand by them, there is nothing the two of you will not be able to do.


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