Kids and Divorce: Here is How to Tell Kids About Your Divorce
Divorce can be a traumatic experience for you but it can also have a more severe impact on your kids. While you would like them to be shielded from any kind of suffering and pain, it is not possible to always spare them the anguish arising out of your separation. If you are wondering how to tell kids about divorce, the key for that is effective communication. It matters the manner in which you communicate to them about your divorce as it will be in their memory for a long time to come.
According to research, it is easier for children to adjust when there are 3 major factors present especially for couples who divorce with kids. These are as follows:
- When they have a strong rapport with both their parents
- Minimal exposure to arguments and conflicts
- Good parenting
Check out these divorce conversation tips if you wish that your kids learn about the parting news and respond rationally.
Timing is crucial
When you and your spouse have been contemplating a divorce or separation, it is better to keep the news to yourselves unless you are completely sure of your decision. Your children need not know about it until you are completely sure of your decision to divorce. Make sure that you have ample time to spend with your kids after breaking your divorce news. After all, you have to keep reassuring and hugging them so that they do not feel insecure.
Make sure you are together when you share the news
Although you and your spouse may not agree on anything, try to be together while sharing your divorce news with your kids. It is better to act as a team while breaking the news so that your little ones are not confused. They will get only a single version of the news that will exhibit that the decision of your divorce is mutual. It is one of the most important divorce tips to follow to make sure that your kids are not insecure. Your communication should be simple, straightforward, and candid. Try to consider the emotional maturity and age of your kids while sharing the news.
Do not discuss all kinds of divorce details with your children
While it is important to break the news of your divorce to your kids, make sure that you avoid sharing the unnecessary details with them. For example, do not discuss legal matters on the mobile phone if your kids are near you and can overhear the discussion.
Stop indulging in a blame game with your spouse
You may be furious with your spouse but make it a point not to blame your husband or wife for the divorce. Also, it is always recommended not to argue when your kids are around. Make sure that any details related to financial problems and an extramarital affair are not discussed around them.
It is normal to have an urge to tell your kids about how your spouse is behaving. However, your spouse may consider it as an act of betrayal or criticism of them. Do not forget that your former spouse is the best friend of your kids other than you.
Watch out for any kind of unusual behavior
Following tips related to kids and divorce makes sense as your little ones can demonstrate signs of unwanted behavior. So, you need to watch out for these mannerisms. Some examples of these behaviors are sleep-related issues, insecurity, attention-seeking, clinging to you, and naughtiness. After all, your divorce can be really scary for your kids. Some children will be furious or depressed and others may show that they are indifferent about the divorce.
Have individual conversations with your children
After you have a family talk about your pending divorce, your children will naturally have questions that need answering. It can get overwhelming answering all your children's questions at once, so you need to set a time for individual conversations with each of them. First, let them process the news and tell them that every emotion they are having is legitimate. Then, set aside time for conversations. Tell your children to think about questions, and that you will answer all of them. During the conversations, remain calm and take in whatever your child tells you, no matter how difficult. A divorce is very confusing to children because they do not have the same point of view as adults. So, be patient, answer questions in a calm manner, and reassure your children that you are all still a family and that you will all try to make things as easy as possible.