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Mend Fences With Your Husband's Family Using These Tips

A common and widely accepted perception about marriage is that the wife is expected to get along with the husband’s family. A troublesome in-laws relationship has often been a source of turmoil for many marriages and in the current economic scenario of again becoming dependent on in-laws does not help the situation either.

Furthermore, the mental conditioning wherein the emotional attachment and the desire to make things work can also burden one’s ability to handle such a relationship. Irrespective of being a man or a woman, it is often observed that an individual possesses adequate social skills to handle difficult social interactions but seems to surrender the use of those very skills when it comes to family.

Like all problems, this problem also needs a diagnosis. Is it rooted in the inability to cope with in-laws or does it really stem from their difficult attitude towards their daughter-in-law? Is it a failure to connect or an unwillingness to do so? Well, the questions look simple but they can uncover a barrage of painful and hurtful reasons that spoil the quality of life itself.

There is no universal rule-book to make things work, but there are tried and tested ways to make progress and they are reflected in countless marriage tips and marriage advice resources available online. This needs some digging in and hints to the right approach may well be hidden in the words that first pop up into one’s head when thinking about the husband’s family.

I Do Not Get Along with My Husband’s Family

I Do Not Get Along with My Husband's Family

It may come as a relief that the word hate does not form an explicit part of the equation. At least the woman sees the family as a unit and not single out a father in law, mother in law, brother in law, sister in law, or any other member of the family. It is important for the woman to dissect whether the entire family is undergoing some crisis or it is a mismatch of thoughts and attitudes.

It is quite possible that the entire family is struggling to get one member’s life on track, be it be the husband or his sibling, father or mother. 

If the husband is supportive, the woman may try to be the source of comfort, confidence or the solution. As easy as it may sound, it is very difficult. In case of a family, it is not about gaining the trust of the decision-maker, but persisting with the right thing and basically chipping away to get a family member out of a hole. Most women are receptive to others and it is quite possible that they shy away from being pro-active with family out of respect, but the lack of connection does not help.

Eliminate differences of opinion on emotional but unnecessary topics such as sports or politics from the conversation.

Try to identify and introduce things that the husband likes and it is very much possible that they are a family trait.

Be good to the children of the family. One can figure out ways to do it without too much time and effort if the husband helps out.

If the husband is not supporting one’s efforts to make a connection and build a healthy relationship, well it is absolutely important to get one’s own house in order first. This unwillingness of the husband is often rooted in problems that the family has suffered for long and gaining the spouse’s confidence before anything else is an absolute must. Women know how to navigate this interaction if they are thinking about family problems and not husband problems. She can make the husband pro-active and if it is difficult, therapy may help too.

Unable to Get Along with Husband’s Family

My Husband's Family Hates Me

A more difficult situation is that one where any or all of the family members of the husband carry a prejudice against the woman and dilute all efforts to make the relationship work. Although more difficult, the solution may be more decisive, as in:

First and foremost, hate breeds hate and it is important for the woman not to become hateful. It never helps.

The woman is aware of persistent efforts made. In such a case, the husband must be made aware of the efforts and asked to give a helping hand or facilitate a healthy confrontation. Any unwanted fears and doubts of the family must be discovered and resolved immediately so that the prejudices die down a bit. Like all relationships, the key is communication.

If the source of prejudice is something like political affiliation or cultural disconnect, rather than individual character, then let it be out in the open rather than simmering in the shadows. After all, it is the first step to mutual understanding.

It may also be a result of the husband’s disconnect with his family and there could very well be a reluctance to make amends but still persist with a sour relation. In this case, even one acknowledges that the husband may be at fault, it is absolutely necessary to support the husband but letting him know that he is the one who has to make amends with his family. Nurture him to initiate the recovery.

Many women complain that the family assert dominance and even quash an effort to make things work. In such a case, it is best to maintain a distance and secure alternatives to any form of economic and emotional reliance on them. Family can be just like those friends of the husband who are admitted in his life but can be no part of the life of the woman.

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Search for anyone in the United States! 100% Confidential! Updated on February 24, 2020
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